It's a huge bear cheasing after a rabbit in a large forest.
"Haha! You'll never catch me!"
"BETCHA???"
And suddenly, they arrive at an isolated pond, from which emerge a frog. "CONGRATUALTIONS! You've found my secret pond, and as a reward, I accord three wishes to the both of you!"
The bear and rabbits blinks, and then are kind of happy of this.
The bear: "My wish is, I want all the bears of this forest, except me, become all females!" Granted wish.
The rabbit: "Fine! My first wish: I want a red helmet, at my size." And the frogs grant his wish.
The bear snorts: "I wish all the bears of this country, except me, become females!"
The rabbit: "I want a red motorbike, of course at my size, and the fastest ever!" Granted!
The bear rolls his eyes: "And I wish all the bears of the world, except me, be females!!!" GRANTED!
The rabbit, puts on his helmet, ride on his bike, and at the second before riding away at high speed, yells to the frog: "AND I WISH THIS BEAR BECOMES GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!"
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Kids say the darndest things!
Another edition of "kids say the darndest things" ...especially when they haven't studied for the test!
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section."
A: The caesarian section is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.
Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section."
A: The caesarian section is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.
Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Long one but
When i was in college, I lived with a guy who was a beer monster. Everytime it was someones birthday he would make a collection of money to buy them a diesel (half a pint of various shorts and half a pint guiness). So when it cam to his birthday, EVERYONE chipped in, in fact there was so many shorts, there was no room for guiness. Anyway he downed it and about an hour later was paralitic and had to be carried home. Me and a freind went for food and got home an hour later. The pisshead was lying in the hallway asleep with a blanket over him and everyone else was in the living room laughing. It transpired that they carried him home and sat him down, when he slurred that he need a shit, so they carried him to the bog and helped him get his trousers down and left him. Half an hour later they became worried, so knocked the bathroom door, to which there was no answer. They smashed the door in and found him having fallen forward into the bath with his arse in the air, fast asleep, with a big turd hanging half way out of his arse. 'You dirty bastard' someone yelled, whereupon he woke up and pulled his trousers straight up. They all fell about laughing, he got angry and then collapsed in the hallway.
The next day he had no recollection of this and uttered the immortal line 'At least I didnt puke'. I asked him what happened when he woke up, he replied that he realised he'd shit himself, so ran out the back garden naked and hoyed his pants, shit and all over the next doors garden. He was the forever known as the phantom shitter.
The next day he had no recollection of this and uttered the immortal line 'At least I didnt puke'. I asked him what happened when he woke up, he replied that he realised he'd shit himself, so ran out the back garden naked and hoyed his pants, shit and all over the next doors garden. He was the forever known as the phantom shitter.
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